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It is a sex-positive community and a safe space for people of all genders and orientations. This is mostly a 'serious' community - posts and comments that sidetrack discussion will be removed and may result in a ban. Posts that do not follow the posting guidelines in the FAQ will be automatically removed.

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Everything else in the moments and even months after that is a blur—everything except for the sex. It started with "Sam," a year-old waiter with leprechaunish looks. I wasn't attracted to him, exactly, but he had an intriguingly dangerous, if corny, edge—what with his conspicuous flash of chest hair and wolf-tooth necklace.

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions will remain anonymous.

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The most troubling part of the Lord of The Rings movies, for me, was the fact that the orks owned nothing that was not rusted, sharp and pointy: from their weapons to their helmets to their transportation. Whenever I saw their marching hoards, all I could think was, Are their bathrooms and kitchens similarly precipitous? Is everything in their lives so jagged? If the answer is "yes," then I feel bad for the orks, because some roughness is fun from time to time for many of usbut as this reader illustrates, it's not for everyone, and certainly not all the time.

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Slapping, choking, spitting — if a woman gets off on a little consensual degradation in the bedroom, does that make her less of a feminist? Many women who demand equal pay by day and harder spanks by night wake up feeling conflicted and a little bruised about their two favorite F-words: feminism and fucking. Almost every version of feminism has been hell-bent on equalizing power structures and fighting gender-based oppression.

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They say there's no such thing as bad sex, but the proverbial "they" os wrong. Sex doesn't necessarily require an array of moves from the Kama Sutra to be enjoyable, but it doesn't take much to ruin it. In fact, there are some common things women do in bed that men don't likeand it can seriously hurt everyone's good time.

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Minny's question continued Still, I seem to be the odd one out and I find it distressing. I broached the subject with him recently, merely suggesting that I hadn't actively enjoyed the way we'd had sex not even that I disliked it and he'd got very worried and hurt and said that I should have told him if I wasn't enjoying it. I don't want to hurt his feelings, neither do I want to stop him having the sex he enjoys, but I don't want to have sex like that again. Also, although I know this is long already, I'm also concerned that the reason I don't like this fast, pumping style of sex is because I'm so repressed that all I want is slow, delicate missionary in the dark.

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I used to have vaginismus, which made any penetration impossible — this is now cured, but sex is still painful for me. Female notions of intimacy and romance are commonly alien and mysterious to men. One should never expect a man to automatically know what those fantasies of yours are, or even to consider them important.

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AskMen may get paid if you click a link in this article and buy a product or service. Dinner at the restaurant was romantic, and together, you finished off a bottle of red wine. The full moon is bright. Together, you walk back to her place, touching fingertips, clasping and unclasping hands, flirting in whispers, and as you approach your building, the flirting gets heavy and a little dirty.

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